Punishment of Grace
by OwenHarpersGirl
Summary: Cas tries to cut himself off from Heaven, but something goes wrong. Spoilers for 8x17. One-Shot


Punishment of Grace

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Supernatural**_

**Spoilers for 8x17**

_"Cas this isn't you!" Dean cried as Cas continued to rain punches down on him. The fist came down over and over again, causing more and more blood to pour from various places on Dean's face._

_ "Cas please!" Dean shouted, "I know you're in there! Please stop!" Cas lifted the angel blade, looking down at Dean in a way that scared the hunter._

_ "Cas please," Dean whispered, "We're family; we need you. I need you." Cas' face remained passive and he brought the blade down._

Dean bolted upright in bed, breathing heavily.

"Dean," a deep voice said from next to his bed and Dean jumped.

"Cas," he said, looking round, "What are you doing here? I thought you had to protect the angel tablet from me." Cas didn't reply, but continued looking down at his shoes. Dean sighed and sat up, turning his light on as he did so. Looking back at the angel, he was shocked to see that Cas looked completely distraught, tears running down his cheeks.

"Cas? What's wrong?" Dean asked and got off the bed, starting over to the angel. However, Castiel backed away and Dean stopped.

"Dean," the angel said in a strangled voice, "Dean I am so sorry." Dean wanted to speak, hating how depressed the angel sounded, but he could tell Cas needed to get this out.

"Dean, I hurt you," Cas said, "I have always sworn to protect you, but I was unable to protect you from myself. I did not wish to hurt you, but I did, and for that I am so sorry. I can assure you it will not happen again. I shall take the tablet to the prophet and the I will return to heave and face my punishment. You will not see me again."

"Cas no!" Dean shouted and jumped forward before Cas could leave. He grabbed hold of the angel's arm and held him tightly.

"Dean..." Cas started.

"Cas, you're not going anywhere," Dean said firmly and Cas' expression changed to one of realization.

"Alright," he said and dropped to his knees, "I understand."

"Understand?" Dean asked, looking at the angel in confusion, "Understand what?"

"I understand that before I return to Heaven you wish for me to experience what you did. Do as you wish, I will not try to defend myself." Dean stared at Cas in shock. The angel thought he wanted to beat him?

"Cas, come here," Dean said, putting his hands under Cas' arms and helping him to his feet. He sat down on the bed and stood in front of him.

"I don't understand," Cas said.

"Cas, I don't want to hurt you," Dean said as he sat next to the angel.

"Then why did you not want me to leave?" Cas asked.

"I don't want you to leave because I don't want you to be punished," Dean said, "Cas, if you go back to Heaven, they'll kill you."

"I deserve whatever they do to me," Cas said stoically, "I performed many wrongs."

"That doesn't mean you should die!" Dean cried in exasperation.

"Samandriel shouldn't have died," Cas said, "He was a boy, nothing more. He looked up to me and I killed him."

"Yeah, because Naomi made you," Dean said, sitting next to the angel, "I don't know much about what happened to you after you got out of Purgatory, but I know all those things you did weren't you." Cas didn't say anything for a moment, but Dean swore he saw tears in the angel's eyes.

"Cas..." he said quietly, hoping the angel wasn't still planning on leaving.

"I don't know what to do Dean," he said, looking over at his friend, "I need to be punished for my sins, but I do not wish to leave you and Sam."

"Then don' leave," Dean said, "Don't go back to Heaven, cut yourself off. You've done it before right? Turned off the angel radio?"

"Yes," Cas said slowly as he contemplated the idea, "I think I could try that." He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, concentrating heavily. Dean was about to ask how it was going when Cas suddenly cried out in pain and grasped Dean's hand.

"Cas? Cas!" Dean shouted as the angel fell off the bed, face contorted in pain.

"Cas, what is it?" Dean asked, worried. He had never seen the angel like this and frankly, he was terrified.

"Dean," the angel gasped, gripping his friend's hand tightly. He didn't understand what was wrong with him.

"Cas? Tell me what's wrong! Tell me how I can help," Dean pleaded. He had only ever felt this helpless when something was wrong with Sam. He was just about to call his brother when Sam walked into the room. Sam stopped short at the sight in front of him.

"Dean? What's wrong with Cas?" he asked in bewilderment.

"I don't know!" Dean shouted. "Sam, help me with him!" Sam leapt forward and helped Dean get Cas onto the bed.

"Please Dean, don't leave me," Cas pleaded.

"I'm not leaving you Cas," Dean promised, "I'm right here." Dean held the angel's hand as Cas squeezed it tightly. Dean looked up at his brother who shrugged helplessly. They stayed like that for several hours. Cas crying out in pain; Dean holding and comforting him; and Sam sat by on his laptop, trying to find something that would help the angel. However, just as suddenly as the pain began, it stopped. Cas' grip on Dean's hand loosened and the crying stopped.

"Cas?" Dean asked uncertainly. The angel attempted to sit up, but had to lean heavily against Dean due to his weakened state.

"Cas?" Sam asked, walking over to the bed, "What the hell happened?"

"I was attempted to cut myself off from Heaven," Cas said, "To block them out..."

"But..." Dean said slowly, urging the angel to continue.

"But Naomi did it for me," he said, looking up at the brothers, "She has cut me off from Heaven and my power."

"Your power?" Sam asked confused.

"She has stolen my Grace," Cas explained, "Or at least, she has stolen most of it."

"What does that mean?" Dean asked.

"It means I am virtually human," Cas told them. Sam and Dean looked at himn in shock.

"Is there any way we can get it back?" Dean asked.

"We need to defeat Naomi," Cas stated, "It is the only way to get my Grace back."

"Is getting it back as painful as losing it?" Dean asked, trying to keep the fear out of his voice. However. he failed to do so and Cas looked at him in surprise.

"You were worried?" he asked.

"Of course I was Cas," Dean admitted, "I didn't know what the hell was wrong with you. Don't apologize," he added when Cas opened his mouth to do just that.

"Well, in response to your question; no it's not as painful to get it back as it is to lose it," Cas told them.

"Well, good," Dean said, "Then let's find the bitch and get your Grace back."

**Wrote this a while ago and just never got around to typing it until now. Hope you liked it!**

**Thanks for reading and let me know what you thought!**

**Also, on a totally unrelated note, if you could see a youtube vlogger do anything in a video, what would it be?**


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